m o r n i n g
Another fever-like night full of absurd dream segments. Adam Driver was there somewhere. Banging his fist against the wall in rage. The world of women, poisoned by heterosexuality, looking longingly with fear and trembling exhilaration at his anger and broad shoulders. Just wanting a hug, I guess. For Him to replace his frustration with love and tenderness. Direct your wrath to protection only sweetie. Chop some wood with an axe with your long, muscular arms. Fight off invaders if they come, and then come inside and make love to me; your home, your world, your everything.
I’ve started drinking coffee without any type of mylk. Mostly because I keep forgetting to buy some. The acid running through me, burning holes and creating fumes that overwhelms my nervous system. Instant panic, but also: a burning desire to create. Something! A life. Looking through inspirational pictures like Gandalf researches the One Ring, among smoke and dust. It’s here somewhere; the answer. The Answer.
But then there’s the to do list, always in the way. Make morning smoothie. Green leafs, frozen bananas that you got for 50% off, hemp seeds, kefir for probiotics and berries for vitamins but mostly taste. Some water for hydration. Make the dog her food. Raw pork meat with bee pollen, salmon oil, goats milk, blueberries, green leafs and some water for hydration. We do nothing but try in this house. Try to be Good Girls, eat our greens and take our vitamins (We top it all off with a nutella or peanut butter (topped with cinnamon sprinkles and drops of honey + banana slices) toast. For the dog, some pepperoni sticks or dried pork liver, and the occasional cheese cube).
Other items that needs to be completed before noon: pay student loan (already late), order dog food (again, already late). Get dressed. Wash my face. Apply S!P!F! The butter ball shines bright today, it’ll be up to 35 degrees. Luckily our home is a (basement) cave, protected by a huge hydrangea in the front garden, and a huge pine tree in the back garden; creating constant shade throughout the day (except for a few evening hours where the sunset comes through). As always, I’ll spend my day home alone with the dog. I’ll do my work, I’ll listen to music, I might watch a movie. I might read, nap. I should probably stretch. A light work-out maybe. I mean, it’s been a couple of months now since the last one.
m i d d a y
Definitely did not work-out. I guess there’s still time. The heat during our lunch walk was pretty unbearable. At home I gave the pup a frozen treat, tidied and played. The fan is on high, so is the ASMR video we like so much. I’m eating pasta pesto for lunch. Feta cheese, black olives, peas, tomatoes, green lentil pasta. For dessert, a luke warm cup of coffee and some maltesers.
e v e n i n g
Spent the afternoon dozing on the couch with the fan spinning its head above me, the pup sleeping between my legs. I started to read a short story collection all about l o v e. It was lovely. I sneaked out to the corner shop in my sandals, only a debit card in my pocket. Bought milk, bread, coke, fanta pineapple and a jumbo freezie, cherry flavoured. I did very little in terms of food prep, just plugged in the air fryer and reheated left overs essentially. I didn’t have a single piece of salad with my food, instead I dipped the breaded pork chop and potato chips in a sweet chilli dip.
Walked the pup at sunset with Andrew. Went to bed early. That’s it. Shut it.
